During my earlier young adult years I have been a serial dater. It isn’t something I am embarrassed about because I feel like most liberated ladies like me go through it. I’ve always seen it is as a hobby, or a thing to do to pass time. I definitely wasn’t looking for a boyfriend back then, I was more of looking for comfort or a booster of confidence. I started joining the dating world after my third ex-boyfriend and I broke up. Whether I was in Manila or in an another country, there was no way I wasn’t seeing anyone.
I have always been surrounded by friends who are relationship enthusiasts. They would meet several people from my side, I would meet different men and women from their sides. Sometimes, we’d end up talking about relationships non-stop that we never ever bothered talking about intellectual things! Who doesn’t love a good drama talk?
I’ve always enjoyed the art of “collecting and selecting”. When one disappears, you can just move on to the next one. In my case, I spiced up things a little bit. For every group of guys – let’s say five (5) to eight (8) boys (for that moment in time), I have at least one favorite. That favorite would be the “go-to” guy. The guy you know who will always be there for you, the guy who might just genuinely care about you.
Before my fiancé, I’ve met a guy that I think cared about me a lot. We’ve never met, but he was always there for me. We talked everyday, we fantasized to be together, and he even helped me from afar in times of need. At that time I certainly did not want to be in a relationship. I was having fun as I just got out from a toxic relationship from my previous relationship. I’ve always thought though that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Maybe he was. But it just couldn’t be me. And that’s okay, because he wasn’t also the one for me.
I’ve met great men over the years of my dating life, I’ve also encountered bad ones too. I really enjoyed this time of my life, I gained a lot of confidence in myself, as well as new experiences and “knowledge”. Would you like to try this out too? Would you be interested in real life dating rather than just “Whatsapp dating”?
Going Steady or Friends with Benefits?
Know your goal. Are you looking for a relationship or for fun? If you are looking for a relationship, most likely this will fail. Falling in love isn’t something forced, it is something natural – you just don’t look for it. Let it fall on your lap when you least expect it.
What Makes You Drool?
Know your interest. Whatever gender it is, whatever nationality it is – just know your interest. I for one had one interest, and that is I tend to be attracted to white European men. Or play it by ear, you can try as much as you like.
Where To Find Potential Lovers?
Use useful tools. If you aren’t the type to go out, or too shy to meet new people – then you may rely on dating apps. Apps like Tinder, Bumble or even OkCupid can work wonders for you. I’ve only used one app, and I think I’m even one of the first ones to ever used it here in the Philippines back in 2014.
I used to go out a lot and I’ve travelled a lot too – but there’s a reason why I still needed to use an app:
1. When I was single, I used to be a very very busy person. I had my workout sessions in the morning and in the afternoon, and usually just free at night. It was best to make a schedule ahead of time so I could adjust things.
2. Ed Sheeran is right. The club isn’t the best place to find someone. Meeting someone in a club usually end up going home with somebody – then you usually get a lousy drunk sex. If that worked for you and your partner, then that’s good! That’s probably one for the books.
3. You get to know that person a little bit better by not being too personal. I’ve always had instances when men thought I was just a “sexy sassy lady”. I’ve always portrayed myself as the girl who doesn’t easily get attached. That’s the thing though, you have to know to play the game. Just like you, these men look for several potential partners, and you are just one of them. Then what to do to stand out? BE SEXY, TEASE, AND PLAY HARD TO GET.
NOTE: Please be careful, some people with bad intentions will scam you. I hope you won’t be stupid enough to fall for it. Also, watch out for people who are in a relationship or married – you do not want to ruin another person’s life. Avoid these people.
A Thousand Profiles, How Can You Be The ONE?
Make your profile stand out. Sell yourself. Make sure you have the following photos: A good photo of your face, a good photo of your whole body and face, a photo of you traveling (to show you have a hobby, and possible ice-breaker), and a photo of you with your friends. Would be best to everything in that order. Next, write a witty short summary about yourself. Focus on a certain topic like sports. Like me, I’ve always put that I am a supporter of the Dutch National Football Team. And this is how I got my fiancé attracted to me. The same as the girls in Weightlifting Fairy Kim Book-Joo would use, “Do you like Messi?”
Talk and Know Your Match
For your own safety, please know the person a little bit more before you meet them. One of the things that I do to make sure a person is legit and not a catfish is I ask their last name. Easier said than done. Not everyone will just reveal you their real identity but there is a way for that.
In my phonebook, I make sure each contact has a last name. I use this excuse to get my match’s last name. I explain to them that I’m kind of an OC, and that I need their last name in order to remember them and/or to organize my phonebook the way I like it. Usually this works. Some people give their last name, some people don’t.
Then STALK. Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Google, whatever. If this person seems to be pretty decent, then go for it.
First Date, What To Do?
I usually met up with them in places where I knew there was a lot of people. I also made sure that it was in the same city where I am living in. Easy to escape if something terrible happens. Knock on wood. In cases where I was in a different country, the person usually chooses where to meet so I Google the area and make sure it’s a busy area. But this also leads to risky situations, so just be careful and follow your instincts.
Dress nice and have a decent make-up. Don’t be extra. Look hot, beautiful, and smart af.
Have a conversation. Have a smart conversation. Be funny and be witty.
Insist on paying for dinner. 8 out 10 men (in my experience) will decline your offer. That’s good, no? Of course, a woman always invests on good clothes and beauty products, at least we can get something out of it.
Where Will This Go?
That is up to you young padawan. Your relationship may go further or may not. Just keep your options open and never get too attached. Let them be attached to you then you will know if their feelings are real or not. As much as possible, I tried so hard to be never fully attached because I hate being the one left out. Been there done that. Remember, you can always protect your heart but also do take risks, fall and stand up again and again.
If there are any questions or stories you would like to share, feel free to contact us! I’ve already been receiving several messages asking for advices and such. I always keep these messages in private and will never publish them unless I ask them.
Enjoy your dating life and be safe always!