This goes out to all women with no kids with their exes.
I was talking to girlfriends a couple of days ago regarding their different experiences with their current partners’ ex-girlfriends. It made me think, “Are we the only normal ones out here?” What does it take to be a “good” ex-girlfriend?
Post Break-up Scenario
There were break-ups that I was in denial and angry, and there were some I was relieved and happy. If you find yourself in a situation where you are definitely not happy, broken, and lost after a break-up – that’s okay. Let all those negative feelings out as much as you can, and as long as you can.
One of things I did when I was in a such situation was get so mad. I couldn’t process and accept that “this” guy dumped me. I was also at the same time scared because I was forced to get out of my comfort zone.
Revenge, Yay or Nay?
After experiencing trying to get back at one of my exes, I realised that it was the dumbest thing I did. Can you imagine I humiliated myself by pouring alcohol on him just because I found him with a girl in a club? It was such a grim night. I did so many embarrassing things after the alcohol scenario. Sorry, tao lang.
The next day when I was sober enough to think straight, I realised how naive I was. Of course, I wasn’t doing these crazy things to get him back, I was actually doing it for my pride. If I was really still madly in love with him at that time, I could’ve avoided things to hurt and embarrass him. Pride nga ‘yan, tsong.
Wake up and Smell The Coffee
Girl, it’s time to wake up from the misery you’ve been living. It’s time to erase his numbers and e-mail address from your contact books, block him in all social media platforms, and erase photos and videos. The memories of course will still linger in your head, but this will be a good start. Just don’t be involved with him anymore. Give him the space he needs, he has that right.
It’s over, so stop it already.
It’s All About You
One of the things us romantics forget is to actually focus on ourselves. Why is that we tend to give so much to our other halves when sometimes we don’t leave anything for ourselves anymore?
It’s time to grow up kids. Let’s talk about you and focus on you. The relationship has ended for whatever reason. There will be moments you will feel insecure about yourself. Moments where you will blame yourself, realise you have terrible personal issues, and so on.
And again, that’s okay, but we need to fix that. We need to make you feel good about yourself again. To be the better you!
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Travel with family or friends… or on your own (which I prefer the most)
- Meet new people and learn
- Eat well. Not the junk kind, the good kind.
- Use this chance to work those muscles and train hard!
- Start a hobby you’ve always wanted to do
- Go shopping. You don’t have to think for someone else anymore, spend your hard earned money for yourself.
Bonus: Start dating and boost your confidence. Just try not to fall in love so fast or take things seriously right away. Remember, we are only thinking about you now. Just explain to them that you don’t want anything so serious, so you would not have to keep their hopes up.
For dating tips check out my post on 7 Tips That Will Change Your Dating Life.
A New You and A New Girl?
So you’re doing so well at the moment, everything is doing smoothly and you’re doing absolutely fantastic. But wait. You just heard or saw that your ex beau is dating a new girl. What to do? A) Throw a bitch fit and cry B) Start being miserable again C) Hate on the girl and start cyber bullying D) Be happy for the two of them, be a bit jealous, but still will do nothing about it
If you ask me, I’d be very happy for them and not be jealous at all. I have always been happy for my exes and their new partners. I was never angry, depressed nor jealous. For some of the guys I’d even thought, ‘Oh! She will surely be so lucky and happy with him!’ and for the rest, ‘Lol. Goodluck, girl. If you need me, I’ll always be here.’
Girls, please remember she isn’t an enemy. If ever she has done something to you, be the bigger person and forget it. I have even experienced a very close friend and classmate of mine who even dated my ex-boyfriend right after we broke up. Can you imagine how I was nice enough to acknowledge this and gave them my blessing?
Be Genuinely Kind
I don’t know how I can truly emphasize this but be kind. Be respectful and understanding.
I have been in situations where I could see my exes’ current girlfriends would check out my Instagram stories and so on. I was actually surprised when I learned that they actually do check me out from time to time since it’s already been a long time since I’ve broken up with their men. But I don’t do anything about it, I don’t judge it nor make fun of them about it. Let them feed their curiosity.
There was also a time when I was in the Netherlands, I have talked to my ex-boyfriend about meeting him and his girlfriend. He agreed to it. But at the end I didn’t want to pursue it anymore out of respect for them. I would feel so awkward for them, and also if I were in her position I would cringe from the sight of two exes having a small reunion for no valid reason.
Always put yourself in other people’s shoes before doing something. Don’t create drama.
The Rest is Purely In The Past
Stop being delusional that you can be friends. You can be civilized (for the love of maturity), but you cannot be best friends. Again, put yourself in other people’s shoes. How would the other person feel if we would still keep butting ourselves in our ex’s life? It is common logic not to interfere anymore.
I am no longer in contact with most of my exes, their families, and friends. Why do I still have the need for that? But that is me. Some of my friends are still very good friends with their ex’s families, but that is their thing and I truly respect that, and at least they know their boundaries.
Happy Trails, Always.
Now that we’ve talked about how to be a good example of an “ex-girlfriend”, let’s start focusing on loving you. The most important person that will love you is yourself. Simply let go of the negativity and the grudges, and inhale the positivity that your life should be having.
Just simply live life & happy trails, always.