If you’ve been around me for quite a while already, you would know that I am no stranger to long distance relationships. I hated it but I had to love it.
So you’ve met someone off the internet (or somewhere). He (or she) looks handsome, has a great personality and a good character, possible for you both to have the same interests in music, beliefs, advocacy… whatever! But lives about 10,000 kilometers away and is committed to a job and/or school.
Do you like him? Do you really really like him?
Before you enter a long distance relationship, you have to be at least 100% ready to be committed to it. It isn’t some kind of game where you talk once in a while whenever you feel like it. That’s not a long distance relationship honey, that is a pen pal.
Being in a long distance relationship is hard work. It will eat up your time and yourself: mentally, emotionally and physically. If you are going to start to enter this world, you and your partner should talk about it earnestly. It takes two to tango you know?
Try it, if it works then it works.
Did I mention commitment?
Let’s say you live in Asia and your partner is in Europe. The time difference is about 6 – 7 hours depending on the season. You both are working, and one of you is more busy than the other with other commitments outside your relationship such as social life, hobbies, family, etc. The two of you must talk about the most convenient time to “spend time together”. Of course, I mean online.
Taking time off for you to spend time together is a must in every long distance relationship. Well in any kind of relationships. I suggest to at least spend four to five hours a day in able to make up for the lost time of not being physically together. In some cases “normal” couples only spend 3 hours a day together. Take note, that’s with physical contact.
The fiancé and I were in a long distance relationship for a year. Every three months he would take weeks off from his work to come and see me. We were so lucky. In the longer periods of time that we weren’t physically together, the only time we weren’t on FaceTime was when he’s at work and when he has a football match. Other times, there is no doubt that we are just connected on FaceTime the whole day and night.
I used to be so embarrassed about it. I was alone in Aurora and Subic at that time, and I just felt lonely. My family and friends were in Manila, and he was in the Netherlands. I basically didn’t have anyone with me. My escape from my loneliness was being connected to him all the time, and I didn’t feel alone anymore.
Normal couples don’t usually realize how lucky they are to have the freedom to hold someone you love whenever and wherever you want. I hate it when people take this for granted.
Treat it as a normal relationship
Being in a long distance relationship is as normal as any relationship. The only difference is that you do not get to be physically together for a long time. There still must be a whole lot of trust, and I really mean this. You do not get to see your partner all the time. You cannot do these boggling investigations in real time. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you cannot trust the man? Have a talk and set some rules for the two of you. If one of you have any trust issues, then have a compensation where the two of you can share passwords into your accounts or what not. There are different ways to do so.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not tolerating such a weird way to ease the trust issues (because it’s always best to have your own privacy, and the foundation of a relationship is trust) but there are really people who are like that. I am an open minded person, and I want to help people out and give different perspectives. So again trust your partner wholeheartedly, and don’t be so paranoid. You are just going to make yourself crazy.
Do different things together
Ok so one of the misconceptions of being in a long distance relationships is not doing anything other than being on FaceTime/Skype and talk. Even a talkative person like me eventually ran out of topics, and talking all the time is just so boring. There are different things you two can do together even being apart. Here are some examples that we’ve done together:
- Watch a movie together at home and at the cinema – the fiancé and I did this a lot and it was a whole lot of fun! When we did the watching at the cinemas, we made sure that the movie time slots we buy show at the same time, and we were on FaceTime audio call. We didn’t talk because we didn’t want to bother other viewers around us, but hearing each other’s laughs or even breathing made us seem close together.
- Cook the same recipe – we both love to cook and to cook for each other. Of course this was impossible at the time we were apart. So we chose the recipes we wanted to eat for the weekend whether it was Italian or Dutch, buy the groceries together, and then of course cook and eat together.
- Play board or table top games – reminiscing so much about our relationship makes me giggle and tear up at the same time! So one of the activities that we did was play non-online games together such as: Cards Against Humanity, CV, and Taboo. We also competed playing Temple Run, which is a mobile app.
- Shop and send each other packages – believe it or not, we haven’t spent any of our birthdays together. We have already missed out on two birthdays which were last year’s and this year’s. So what we have done in the past, we would shop together in stores, and send the packages away. I’ve always loved giving him the best presents that I’m sure he will like.
Plan on your future
One of the things to make a relationship keep going is to have a goal. Are you and your partner decided that at some point should be living together? Will one of you be willing to leave everything behind to be with together? Or the two of you? These are the things you should be thinking about because you cannot be in a long distance relationship forever.
Make the goal happen, and I mean it.
Look. I am the type of person whose time doesn’t want to get wasted. If you want to be with me, let’s work it out together whatever it takes, and if not, then let’s stop this. ‘Seriously my soulmate could just be 10-15 minutes away from me!‘
My fiancé never had doubts. He knew that he wanted to be with me from the moment I’ve met him, and that made me so strong to keep going for it. I am so happy that we did because look at us now, we are so amazing and strong together.
Don’t forget to enjoy the ride
In order to survive an obstacle, you must be passionate (or love) conquering the hurdles. You will not survive any obstacles if you will keep whining and attract negativity instead of taking it as a positive challenge.
Be busy but not too busy to not talk to your SO. Have a social life and meet friends, do different hobbies, and think of many other ways to spice up your long distance relationship. Don’t always doubt and question if the relationship will work. Really, just enjoy it. This also goes for other types of relationships!
Have vacations and see each other a lot. Travel together and love. You will see, you two will eventually survive a long distance relationship.
If you’re feeling in a rot and need guidance do not hesitate to contact us. Your secret will always be safe.